I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
