I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
