Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
