Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
