My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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