If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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