____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
