I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
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Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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