Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
