what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
operation harelip BJ is a go
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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