I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
