I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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