i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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