Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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