How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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