My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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