i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
