I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
