they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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