I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
