Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
