Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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