I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
