He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Come on in and take your pants off
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