So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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