I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
