i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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