Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
These tits shall not be calmed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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