I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
