Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize