I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
