If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
