I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize