Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
