Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
