the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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