I want to stick my p in your. b.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think my mom watched the whole time
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
