Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
