My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
