Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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