and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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