to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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