hotel room ftw
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
