theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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