True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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