I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
