i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What a dumb baby whore.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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