Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
