your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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