I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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