I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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