ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
