What did we do last night that was yellow?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
