Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You are a genius and a whore.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
