So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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