My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
True strength comes from lack of pants
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
