The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
