The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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