so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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