That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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