seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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