Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
