He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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