I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
