Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I need to sanitize my soul.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
