it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
