It's like God shit irony all over that family
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
