dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
