How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
