I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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