i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
