Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
