i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize