Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
