i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
cat food counts as protein by the way
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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