i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
